I might as well admit that I had it out with God earlier this week. I just found out that we are not going to be able to go to Ethiopia in the fall. Immediately I started asking God why. Wasn't I called to go, to get the stories of those there and to be a voice? I've seen him provide for the trip already through those who have helped us raise funds. I received so many confirmations. To be honest, I feel lost now. I know His ways are best, but right now I just don't understand why the door has been closed. I wish I knew the next step.
We're still planning on going...sooner or later. There is another trip in January, so that's a possibility. I will probably be looking into some other options as well. One thing is for certain - God has a plan for all of this. I know He hasn't put this passion in my heart for no reason. I have gone through so many seasons of dealing with restlessness in waiting. For a while I felt a fire kindling inside and had to wait to know what it was. Now I know and I long to be doing what I know I am called to do...but I'm still waiting. I know I'm being prepared for the task, but it doesn't make me any less restless. I yearn for Africa.
Confusion now takes over me Isn't this where You have led? I followed You along this path To find the door closed instead
"Step out in faith," You said to me And I will open the door for you" So to follow Your call, I obeyed Remember God, I left all I knew
Desperately I grasp the handle Holding on I fall to the floor I long for what was promised me What's locked behind the door
I have no fallback, no other plan I have put all my faith in You Now all I can do is hope And trust Your Words are true
Slowly I let go of the door Relinquishing all former dreams This door was just one, You have more I know You have greater things