The seasons have changed and things aren't the way the used to be. I followed Him to this place and I'm happy to be here, but sometimes I find it to be very quiet. And sometimes quietness becomes too much. The unanswered question, the eagerness for fresh direction and the small things leave me feeling like I'm in the middle of a ocean of stillness. When music is silenced, the check-list is completed and distraction of business has ceased, the quiet often becomes deafening.
Stillness can be too still.
Sometimes I find my little office becomes a vast, placid sea where I paddle towards an unseen goal day in and day out...alone. What I wouldn't give for one wave, one ripple of movement! In the distance the rest of the world is buzzing and spinning in constant motion. It is hard to be ok with silence in today's world. We mask our inner loneliness with being busy. It's almost frowned upon not to have a jam packed schedule. The need for stillness is forgotten and when we do stumble upon it (not on purpose mind you), the absence of movement is like an unpleasant chill.
I've been in this place many times. I remember the deep sense of loneliness that washed over me in college. Everyone was dating...but not me. Weekends were quiet. I felt alone. I remember when I battled an unknown sickness for years. Out of the blue I'd be immobilized by pain. No one could help and no one understood. I felt alone. In those times I found that the quietness and the loneliness turned into something beautiful. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. His voice became more clear. I learned new things. My soul was transformed.
So when the chill of stillness comes, I can offer it up to God. He has a purpose for it if I will only accept it. In the words of Job "should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?" (Job 2:10) For we know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) I don't think it's a coincidence that the Word says "He leads us by still waters" and then says "He restores my soul" immediately after that. Like it our not, I need those waters of quietness and solitude. It is there He renews me for the journey ahead. Thus, I choose to embrace the still waters in which I find myself today. Tomorrow may hold much commotion and business, but today my heart will sing, "whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say - It is well, it is well with my soul!"