Hi, I'm Jennifer Blair.
There are few things I enjoy more in life than creating art. My aim is to create as a reflection of the Creator. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Here you'll find my recent work, glimpses into my life and the inspiration behind my art.
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MOTHERHOOD
Back in April we purchased five tiny caterpillars and took them home. As soon as we got home, Simon grabbed the container off of the counter and dropped it. I thought we had just killed our newly acquired beings. Thankfully, caterpillars are pretty resilient. For 12 days we watched as they grew and grew, waiting anxiously for when they’d make their chrysalis. The kids were mesmerized. It was funny how long we could sit and simply watch them move around in the container. One day we woke up to one in a newly formed chrysalis, and 6 days later we woke up to one emerged butterfly. We released them just in time - the day before a big trip back East. It was a beautiful way to wrap up our school year. They loved watching the caterpillars grow, and I loved watching them grow. (Though I thoroughly enjoyed the caterpillars too.) Watching my kids find joy in learning and in nature is such a blessing to me. Getting to teach them so many thing is such a joy. I both lose and find myself in being their mother and teacher.
I love creating things, anything really, whether it is working to make a garden or making art when I photograph my kids. It’s in our DNA to create as image-bearers of God. But I don’t really create from nothing; I create with things God has already made. He is the one who makes things from nothing, and yet invites us to be co-workers with Him. There is no other place I can see this more deeply than in raising children. God does the deepest work of creation, but allows us as mothers to have life grow within us. As children grow, He partners with us in their continued growth and development. They are exactly who He made them to be. We don’t choose their personalities or features, but we do get to be a part of shaping what God is doing in them. What a gift and privilege!
I love the Christmas season, and I always have. But as I read the other day, Christmas seems to be a great magnifier of good and bad. Many good things seem even better, and hard things can feel even harder. I have known both sides. This time of year reminds me of loss and reminds me of my innumerable blessings. Over the years I’ve parred down the things that we do during Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the things! But oftentimes I need the simplicity so that I savor the reason we are celebrating and not succumbing to merely being busy. I’ve found that these are things we do every year because they are simple and meaningful. Apart from reading a good advent devotional, here are a few of the sweet traditions we enjoy, old and new:
The outdoors have always called to me. Many times I feel I simply need to go outside and feel some sunshine on my face. During our normal homeschool days, we try to take a daily walk around our neighborhood. But after my husband almost lost his life in February, I’ve been rethinking, well, everything. I took an imaginary look forward into our future. In five years I will be 40 years old, our youngest (the twins) will be 7 or 8 and our oldest will be 14. I can’t imagine them being so big and independent since they insist on “Mommy!” for everything at present. That is a big change in such a short amount of time. It reminded me that I have a lot of groundwork to lay in these brief years. There are more vital things than schoolwork, though I do still want a high bar set for academics. Going through something traumatic will teach you that you can’t survive without a good framework and a good vision for your life. The unnecessary things seem to crumble away. I see now the need to change a lot of rhythms in my life, and being outside for my sake and my kids was something we all needed more than our current schedule allowed. Our curriculums have always encouraged a field trip day or something of the like on Fridays, and we did that plenty, but now we go outside for different reasons.
It’s true what they say, the years go by so quickly. My babies don’t have their summer tan anymore and the all the flowers have faded, even though it feels like just a few days ago everything was green. I want to view all of my life, but especially the present with nostalgia. I want to see my life through a rose-colored lens. Just looking at a black-and-white image seems to do it for me every time. I need the reminders: “It’s sweet” and “It doesn’t last.” Though each part does seem to get sweeter, even though many things in life are hard, I want to savor each moment. I want to FULLY live and love where we are right now. I think this means looking for joy and beautiful things, like chubby cheeks, morning light, and “I wuv oo mama!” I often pass by beautiful things because they are simple and ordinary, but they are the things that I should hold close to my heart…Like my Sammy’s baby hand holding a flower to give to me.
What if life-giving words were spoken to us over and over and over? Words have the power to shape us, yet we often don’t give enough attention to what our own words are doing. James gives us the image of the tongue as a fire, yet Proverbs speaks of good and timely words as “apples of gold in a setting of silver.” We can let our words be something that destroys beyond all repair (only rebuilding) or something beautiful, valuable, and enriching.
I remember when I was in the throws of having newborn twins, moving into a new house, and starting a new homeschool year. We had just transitioned from three kids to five. It was a continual cycle of feedings, meal making, school, feedings, and naps. Rinse and repeat all day. To be honest I was living in survival mode, constantly stressed and frazzled. I never got much of a break and was needed nearly 24/7. I wanted to find joy in my numerous blessings, my five kids, and our life, instead of drowning in all the work it took to keep everyone alive and fed. I wanted to be a calm and gentle mom, not a stressed-out mom. I wanted God’s peace, not a constantly hectic feeling.
If there is one thing motherhood has taught me, it is that my children learn more from what I do than what I say. If I find true enjoyment in something, they seem to enjoy it also. If I complain about something, I find they mimic my complaints later. They mirror the way I treat them, the way I talk to others, and the emotions I express. To my dismay, they often mirror my negative qualities along with the positive. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” they say. And it’s true. So what kind of apples am I growing? What kind of tree am I?
The twins are now officially big boys in toddler beds. I remember when I was planning their nursery just before they were born. Our time was running out at our townhouse and we had nowhere to go. We tried unsuccessfully for months to find somewhere to live. I wanted their room to reminded me of God’s faithfulness on the mountains and in the valleys. I wanted a peaceful room, full of dark and light contrast to remind me that both darkness and light are the same to Him. I can be at peace in Him, regardless of our circumstances.
For the past year or so I’ve been trying to get rid of stress in my life. I realized a while back that I am often choosing my stress. Now, with five kids (including twins) life can get stressful pretty quickly with just the normal day-to-day things! Even so, I’ve been trying to get at the root of my stress. It’s not good for my body, my family, or my walk with the Lord. After many months of examining, I believe the root of most of my stress comes when my priorities aren’t right.
The seasons are changing here in Utah. Winter has slowly released it’s grip, and Spring has turned up everywhere you look. Our little neighborhood streets are lined with blooming trees, the dandelions dot the green grass with yellow balls of brightness, and the sunlight pours through our windows until almost 8 PM. It always baffles me how quickly the seasons change, and how excited I am to experience the next one. Our family is entering a new season too, and I’m excited to see it start to open us up to something new.
“This job [of motherhood] has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.” (Elisabeth Elliot)
For months now I have been praying for a double-portion of the boldness my mom had in sharing the gospel...which is ultimately a request for more of God-Himself. As we have been discovering our calling here in Utah, I have desired that I would be bold when opportunities come may way, just like my mother (and your Amma) who has now gone to be with Jesus. I believe God has answered me, in part, with you two! I have indeed received a double portion.
Only God could have known and planned our family. As I look back to my days of longing for a home full of children, I’m grateful for His timing. I don’t understand exactly why children come when they do. Some are surprises, and some wait with longing for years and years. Some go through loss after loss. It doesn’t make sense to me, but it does make me grateful. I look at them, fully aware they are a gift and a reward I don’t deserve and did nothing to earn. I think scripture puts it perfectly:
“TWO! WHAT? No way…this can’t be real.” And yet, there they were: two perfect babies on the screen. They moved and kicked around. We had found out a few weeks prior that we were very unexpectedly expecting again. “Four?” I wondered, “the timing sure is crazy, Lord!” After all, we just moved our little family across the country, from the coastal South East to the mountainous West. I had trouble getting peace about being pregnant again so soon after having our son, Elias. We have still been adjusting and settling in out here, and now…what a ride we’ve been on in 2020! Then all of the sudden, baby #4, became #4 and #5! (To clue you guys in, twins don’t run in my family - and we were preventing at the time.)
Love is a messy thing. If I've learned one lesson in this past year, my intro into motherhood, it's that love makes a wreck. When you truly, deeply love someone that love comes in and turns everything upside down. For me, love always comes slowly. The first sign of feeling love's crazy emotional roller coaster isn't thrilling for me, but sobering. I see myself going up and up and up, knowing there is about to be a crazy ride down, then up again, then down again for the rest of my life. Love, for me, is saying "yes" to all of it. My personality can easily make love's wild ride seem steady by looking at the bigger picture, but it is chaotic nonetheless. Love grabs me and takes me through it all. It turns and whirls unexpectedly, and it has made a mess of things before I even realize it at all. Love is a messy, wild thing.
Since I am teaching both my older girls and younger boys, I’ve tried to teach the boys to ask, “Whats’s next, Mommy?” after they finish a project. I need to help them learn not to run off the minute I go help the girls. I’d say they remember 50% of the time. The other 50% they run off and make a mess somewhere in the house, and I have to go find them and show them what’s next.
Spiritually, I’m a lot like my little boys. As I’ve been teaching them to say, “What’s next, Mommy?” throughout the day, He’s been teaching me to ask, “What’s next, Father?” too.