My three, for now...

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My three, for now...

Only God could have known and planned our family. As I look back to my days of longing for a home full of children, I’m grateful for His timing. I don’t understand exactly why children come when they do. Some are surprises, and some wait with longing for years and years. Some go through loss after loss. It doesn’t make sense to me, but it does make me grateful. I look at them, fully aware they are a gift and a reward I don’t deserve and did nothing to earn. I think scripture puts it perfectly:

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Hello, TWINS!

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Hello, TWINS!

“TWO! WHAT? No way…this can’t be real.” And yet, there they were: two perfect babies on the screen. They moved and kicked around. We had found out a few weeks prior that we were very unexpectedly expecting again. “Four?” I wondered, “the timing sure is crazy, Lord!” After all, we just moved our little family across the country, from the coastal South East to the mountainous West. I had trouble getting peace about being pregnant again so soon after having our son, Elias. We have still been adjusting and settling in out here, and now…what a ride we’ve been on in 2020! Then all of the sudden, baby #4, became #4 and #5! (To clue you guys in, twins don’t run in my family - and we were preventing at the time.)

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Love is Messy

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Love is Messy

Love is a messy thing. If I've learned one lesson in this past year, my intro into motherhood, it's that love makes a wreck. When you truly, deeply love someone that love comes in and turns everything upside down. For me, love always comes slowly. The first sign of feeling love's crazy emotional roller coaster isn't thrilling for me, but sobering. I see myself going up and up and up, knowing there is about to be a crazy ride down, then up again, then down again for the rest of my life. Love, for me, is saying  "yes" to all of it. My personality can easily make love's wild ride seem steady by looking at the bigger picture, but it is chaotic nonetheless. Love grabs me and takes me through it all. It turns and whirls unexpectedly, and it has made a mess of things before I even realize it at all. Love is a messy, wild thing.

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