You know what freedom feels like? Letting go of any desire to "make it" in the industry, to have our music "out there" in some way, the desire to be published here or there, caring about likes or followers, traveling to certain places, shooting for a certain style of client, to be known, "keeping up" with people/ social media, to have people perceive me a certain way, to do anything "big" for God, etc, etc, etc...God broke me of the chains I didn't even know I had this Summer. And I have felt so much freedom since. I don't have it all right, and I battle against caring too much about what others think and not enough about what GOD thinks. What is there to strive for if not good goals? Goals are good right? Absolutely! But the Lord is leading me to let go of all that in pursuit of small things. No more striving. No more looking for when the flowers will bloom - just digging in the dirt and being faithful to tend my little plot of earth every day and keep out the weeds.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing our best and trying to be successful to show more people Jesus...but it is so easy to distort good and make it about me. The older I get, the more I realize LITTLE things are BIG to God - and that is what I want to be about. In the little things, God has shown my heart SO MUCH freedom. No more looking at people in other lanes. No more acting like Peter when he looked at what Christ called Him to, then at John and said "But what about Him?" Jesus' reply to Peter is the same to me, and every other disciple - "What is that to you? Follow me." (John 21:21-23) The kind fruit that will grow from our allotment of soil is not up to us. We're just told to be faithful to plant, to tent, to harvest what comes. He gives the seed for sowing. He provides the rain. He is the power for growth. All He asks is for me to be a faithful gardener...it's very small, tedious tasks, and yet vastly important.
These days I find so much beauty, meaning and joy in the small things of life. I guess I'm learning to love my plot in life, my dirt, my "boundary lines" as David put it in the Psalms. I used to dream of a big, adventurous life with far away escapades, seeing the world and serving Jesus in a big way with my life. I had it all wrong. It's a daily, slow, steady, obedient pace in the little things of life that Jesus wants from me. It's a daily cultivation of the soil right in front of me. Obeying when no one is watching. Loving where no one will ever see. Serving whoever comes into my path, regardless of what they look like. Making small course corrections whenever He leads, as I let go of what I thought life would look like. I can't keep looking for a possible harvest to come and be a good gardener. If I fail to do the small things every day, no harvest will come. I am responsible for today. Tomorrow is in God's hands. Focusing on small things = freedom.
I am not capable of "doing" anything for God anyway. What grows in my plot of earth is not up to me. He gives. He takes away. No talent I have is from me. I am selfish, broken and completely void of any power to do what matters. BUT GOD. He is the power that I rely on, simply to do the small things every day - because let's be honest, I don't even get the small things right most of the time. It's a miracle that anything grows in my soil. I just want to obey Jesus, and start with all the little things He has already told me to do. And this will be the greatest, most joyous adventure of my life. I will focus on small things. I will seek to be faithful exactly where I am and leave the rest in His hands. And this is the truest freedom I have ever known.