Lately I feel like I've been walking a tightrope. On one side of the rope is my desire to succeed at my business and on the other lies desire for God's will. It's a delicate balancing act. And that's a problem. I'm trying to balance those two things and I shouldn't. I want to do what matters in life. I want to make my brief days here on earth to count. The problem lies in the fact that know I am called to this path. He has led me here. At the same time it's easy to go under if I don't work very hard at my craft, especially when so much of the small business owner's income goes to taxes. It's just plain hard to make it. I feel the pressure to succeed every day. I am eager to see all my hard work pay off. Still, I want to this. I want to work hard on making by business better. I love this.
That is what's on one side of the tightrope. On the other I see that succeeding in worldly terms matters very little in the end. God has a much different definition of success. A life spent entirely for Him and for His glory is the only thing that matters. I don't want to come to the end of life, stand before my maker and find that all I have to lay before Him are my beautiful photos and a well run business. I can't risk that. I don't want to miss what He has for me because I am so wrapped up in trying to succeed. What if His success is different from what I had in mind? What if I never make much money? What if I never book 40 weddings in a year? What if...
So what do I do now?
I jump off the tightrope into the unknown. I can't walk that line anymore because I realize that it is merely my fear of failure. I have to let go of my fear and jump into whatever He has for me. Achieving has always been so important to me. I'm a driven person, but I want to be driven towards the right goal. It's scary to hand over everything and to say, "Ok Lord, I'm willing to fail for your sake. I'm willing to see all my hard work amount to nothing if that is Your will. I'm willing to let go of my dreams for this." I leap from fear's uncertain heights and land on Him, the Solid Rock.
I let go of all my other fears by making this one fear greater than everything else - the fear of a wasted life.