As I listened to the voice mail, I knew the time had finally come for an answer. I hadn't really worried about whether I was going to get the job or not after the interview. Instead of wondering if I'm good enough, I've been sticking to the "I am who I am" policy. I know that it doesn't really matter if I'm good enough at all, because God can do anything through me if it is His will. For 10 days I had been calm and patient, but yesterday broke my stoicism. All of the sudden I thought, "What if they tell me no? What if they choose someone else? What will I do then?" I spent the rest of the evening trying to quiet those nagging questions.
I woke up this morning with that phone call hanging over my head. "No matter what, I trust You LORD!" I prayed and then picked up the phone.
After the hellos she said, "We talked about all the interviews and it was a really hard decision."
I knew then that I didn't get it.
"You were one of the top 3 but..." and she started telling me why they chose the other girl. I hardly heard another word because disappointment washed over me like a flood. I dropped to the bed, engulfed in confusion. I was surprised, but somehow I already knew the answer I got today. Wait. Why had God directed me to pursue an open door just to shut it in my face? He knows my heart is to do His will, so why the waiting?
Wait. I'm pretty tired of hearing that word. I've gotten past feeling useless at home everyday. I have a schedule now and have plenty to occupy my time. I have my little photography business...but I know there is more. I know God is calling me to something else, but I must await the vision. On days like today, it is hard to wait. Still, I find my faith grows stronger with every passing trial; it is built up by waiting on God's direction.
The will of God is found in the pursuit of God...so I pursue and I wait.