Sabbath

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In the Sabbath stillness
I look up as I look down
Hear the rain upon the window
Delight in the dewdrops on the ground
I’m reminded that the God who loves me
Doesn’t dwell upon a line
He is above, below, around me
He exists outside of time

So I slow and still my senses
Rush blinds the eyes of delight
Find stillness (be present), because He’s present
Don’t let seeing too much block true sight
For I often hurry past Your glory
Even though it’s right in front of my face
I’m often deaf to the symphony
When all You’ve made is a chorus of Your praise

Did I ever really know You,
God, woven in and through everything I see?
Have I ever thought of You rightly,
God, I find ever increasingly all around me?
When I am still I am more awe
That You see me, meet me, want know me
And You invite me to know You - God!
So deeper I wander into Your rest, Your mystery

When You Can't Tie Up the Year with a Bow

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When You Can't Tie Up the Year with a Bow

It’s the time of year that many people look back on the year that is drawing to a close and highlight all the good or say “good riddance” and wish for a better year to come. I’ve thought often about what this year means to me in retrospect. It was certainly an “ebenezer” year, and I wish I had an actual stone to put somewhere in remembrance. It was a year I saw a true miracle: God spared my husband’s life when he had, at best, a 2% chance of survival. It was incredible, undeniable and I will never be the same or stop being grateful that we can all still be together as a family. But we can’t tie up our story with a nice bow. We can’t say “God saved Jonathan and this is why.” I can’t negate the dark valley I walked through afterwards or the fact that Jonathan still lives with a medical condition that gives him pain and hinders normal activity. He still can’t run around in the yard with our kids and he’s not back to 100%. The discouragement and limitations that continual nagging pain causes is hard for us both, especially because it looks like there may not be any resolution on the horizon apart from another miracle of God. 

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The Gift of Limitations

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The Gift of Limitations

Limitations can be blessings if we let them. Have you ever thought of how most songs, even something as complicated as a piece in a symphony, is technically comprised of only 7 different notes of a single scale? The art of painting is even more limited. All the colors used come from a mere 3 primary colors. Drawing is mostly made up of 3 shapes: circles, triangles, and rectangles. All the beauty of nature cycles through 4 seasons, year after year after year. Whole worlds are created from these limited means.

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Breathing Underwater

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Breathing Underwater

The hardships I’ve been through, this past year especially, have felt like falling overboard in the middle of the ocean and plunged into icy depths. The undertow is stronger than my ability to push upwards, and am horrified to find my struggle only takes me deeper and deeper down. My only hope left is God, and without His help I will certainly drown. Maybe you’ve been there too. There are in life those moments that take all the breath from your lungs and all the strength from your body and soul. All the light of day becomes small fragmented beams that dance mockingly on the surface of what pulls you under.

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Everything I Need for Motherhood

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Everything I Need for Motherhood

I remember when I was in the throws of having newborn twins, moving into a new house, and starting a new homeschool year. We had just transitioned from three kids to five. It was a continual cycle of feedings, meal making, school, feedings, and naps. Rinse and repeat all day. To be honest I was living in survival mode, constantly stressed and frazzled. I never got much of a break and was needed nearly 24/7. I wanted to find joy in my numerous blessings, my five kids, and our life, instead of drowning in all the work it took to keep everyone alive and fed. I wanted to be a calm and gentle mom, not a stressed-out mom. I wanted God’s peace, not a constantly hectic feeling.

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