Why Not Being "Good Enough" Doesn't Matter

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Why Not Being "Good Enough" Doesn't Matter

There is this deep-rooted fear in my heart of not being good enough, not measuring up and being  tried and found wanting still. I think many of us have this same fear. For me it goes back to when I entered a new class in first grade. I was the new girl, venturing into a new class. I was a little shy, but I don't think I'd ever struggled too much with self-consciousness. But that day changed me. Fairly carefree, I asked a table full of girls if I could sit with them for snack. They replied, "This table is only for cool girls with sparkly chapstick." And my fate was sealed. Uncool. Not enough. 

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Rest: Revealing a Divided Heart

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Rest: Revealing a Divided Heart

Exactly one month ago I entered into a month of rest from work (except for email checks once a week) and all social media. I knew I needed to do it, but to be honest, I had more than a little trepidation about what my days would look like without the things that usually fill them. I did not expect to be catapulted into an old way of life that felt like how I was meant to be living. It took me by surprise that I didn't miss the companion of constant distraction. (Because let's be real, with a little one running around I have plenty of that already.) In my foolishness, I hoped to be "productive" and "get a lot done" during this time. I wanted a more clarity about the next 6 months and hoped to gain new insight. I didn't expect to come out on the other side with even more questions and craving even more time for true rest. However, I did come to understand more of what real rest looks like and that rest revealed the true state of my heart.

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Sandcastle Kingdoms

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Sandcastle Kingdoms

What is the point of "making it" or "having a name" if it doesn't have deep-seeded meaning or lasting impact? I can't get this image out of my mind - of vast sandcastle kingdoms that won't last, that cannot be transferred to beyond the grave. I knew the views of the Great Sand Dunes in Colorado would be incredible, but it moved my heart in such a powerful way. I cannot escape the imagery and it's parallel to life. The sand seemed unending. Peak after peak continued as far as I could see. In a moment, the wind would come gusting through the enormous sand mountains and valleys, changing the landscape and reconstructing the best way to climb to the top. Does that not sound like our world? One moment success is xyz, the next week the world is different, changing the path to the top by something as small as an Instagram algorithm. What if it is all gone tomorrow? All the "names" and "fame" that has been constructed around a grand facade, all gone in a moment. What then when then great sandcastle kingdom has blown away, every piece small granule scattered in the wind? 

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