This year I really don’t want to post about anything we’re doing for Valentine’s Day. It’s not that those things aren’t good, or that I don’t want to celebrate my wonderful husband or do fun things with my girls. But looking at so many posts gets to be too much sometimes. I don’t know were your click on this post fell in your feeds full of happy faces, lovely dates, crafted perfection or special gifts, and I just don’t want to be another one of those this year. Instead, I want to tell you a story about a time I messed up.
I had just made one of those sweet, heartfelt posts for a special occasion…you know, sort of like today. I was happy and feeling the love. Later that day, the same special person I wrote about said something and I took it the wrong way. I’d like to say I responded in a loving and gracious manner, but the truth is that I didn’t. In my pride, I responded selfishly. And I felt pretty awful about it afterwards. I wish I could say I repented right away as well, but again, I didn’t. Putting something kind and loving online is a lot easier than actually being kind and loving all the time. Of course, I’m not advocating that we should all share our mess-ups with the world online. It’s just that what we say online and what we do in person are sometimes different. I’m no more immune to my own humanity than anyone else, but I carried around the shame of my words the rest of the day. I felt the dichotomy between what I had said and how I had acted, and it felt like a chasm.
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Since I am teaching both my older girls and younger boys, I’ve tried to teach the boys to ask, “Whats’s next, Mommy?” after they finish a project. I need to help them learn not to run off the minute I go help the girls. I’d say they remember 50% of the time. The other 50% they run off and make a mess somewhere in the house, and I have to go find them and show them what’s next.
Spiritually, I’m a lot like my little boys. As I’ve been teaching them to say, “What’s next, Mommy?” throughout the day, He’s been teaching me to ask, “What’s next, Father?” too.